Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I've got a weird situation and I need some input.  Let me begin by saying that I have a disease called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which can cause severe hormone imbalances.  Sometimes these hormone imbalances can make me very emotional, sad, angry, crying for no reason, etc.  Because of this, I can't always tell if my response to a situation is a justified response or an act of hormone treason.  This is where you come in.  I'll explain the situation and perhaps you can help me sort it out. 

I have a best friend, Angie.  We've been friends since we were 12 years old.  We see one another just about every weekend and we attend one another's birthdays, parties, holidays, etc.  Angie is a stay-at-home Mom and I recently started working again after being laid off for a year.  During my lay-off, I reconnected with a friend from high school, Tiffney.  Tiffney is also a stay-at-home Mom.  Last summer I had a party and I re-introduced Angie & Tiffney to one another.  They had met previously when we were teenagers, but had not remained in-touch.  Angie & Tiffney started conversing via Facebook and they've quickly become friends.  I think it's great that they are becoming close.  However, since I now work and have very little free time, I feel left out.  I see them making plans to go shopping or have lunch and I feel like I'm losing my friends.  I realize that I work and I can't always go with them, but it would be nice if they asked me if I could come with them.  Even if they go on a day when I usually work, I could ask for a vacation day and spend some time with my two good friends.  But, as I said, they don't even ask me.  It wouldn't bother me so much, but they post their plans on Facebook for all the world to see and I feel left out.

Today, this situation became even more hurtful for me.  I have another former high school friend, Dana.  Dana and I have spoken a little on Facebook, but due to some past confusion about the nature of our friendship and whether or not I was a good friend to her, we don't talk that often.  Dana's opinion is that I didn't listen to her and help her with her problems when we were teenagers.  I have a different memory of this situation.  I remember that Dana would not open up about her problems.  I tried talking to her about things, but she wouldn't discuss them with me.  I also was unable to attend Dana's wedding because I moved out of town and I could not afford to return for her wedding at the time.  I don't think she's ever forgiven me for not being there.  I apologized profusely for missing her wedding, but it was unavoidable at the time.  To sum it up, Dana and I are cordial, but we don't talk often and we don't spend time with one another.

Dana is a talented baker and she designs birthday cakes.  Angie has had Dana make cakes for her daughters' birthdays.  This past Sunday, Angie's daughter Macie turned 1.  Dana made a cake for the party.  She arrived to setup the cake a few moments before I arrived at the party.  I arrived after she had left and did not get a moment to speak to her.  Apparently, that was plenty of time for her to reconnect as friends with Angie and Tiffney. 

This morning I signed on to Facebook to see if I had gotten any emails and I see that Angie, Tiffney, and Dana are now making plans to go shopping together.  I felt like someone slapped me in the face.  Is it wrong for me to feel so left out?  I'm really confused about this.  I feel so hurt.  I feel like I'm losing my friends.  Am I overreacting?  Any advice would be much appreciated.

I took the photo below at a wedding shoot.  I saw them sitting there chatting away and it reminded me of the many fun, interesting, heartfelt, funny, touching conversations I've had with my friends over the years.

Friends Chatting in the Garden

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  1. I am sorry to hear of your problems.Sometimes life just hurts.

  2. I understand. I feel like this much of the time. A lot of it is the hormone issues of PCOS (another thing we have in common). Usually I let things go but if it is truly hurtful then I would approach the one you are closest to. I understand that feeling af being left out and it's hard when part of that reason is because they have kids and you don't. I've been there. Sometimes they are getting together just so they have someone else to go with and this works out especially so when they have kids that are close in age. Really pray about it and if you still have a hard time with the situation you should really talk to the one you feel closest to. They may not realize that you are feeling left out and hurt by things. Hope and pray you find peace in the this.